February 21, 2020

Internal monologue

This week, I finally broke through my (very frustrating) three-month weight loss plateau—applause, please, thank you. And while I mentioned I'm going through a body-dysmorphic phase in my self-perception at the moment, I realized this week that I've been slipping into a very specific internal monologue to keep myself in check. Sort of a quippy self-pep-talk? I'm not sure what to call it. Because somehow I can't see myself as healthier and slimmer, but I do know objectively that I've lost weight and gotten stronger. So here are some things I've secretly been saying to myself in my head (for better or for worse):

  • I've lost I-can-shop-at-Brandi-Melville-now weight
  • I've lost I-can-wear-Gymshark-size-small-leggings-but-maybe-not-in-public-yet weight
  • I've lost if-this-escalator-caved-in-I-could-probably-save-myself-because-I-have-upper-body-strength-now weight
  • I've lost leggings-and-a-T-shirt-are-an-outfit-I'll-go-outside-in weight
  • I've lost all-my-clothes-are-too-big-for-me-but-I-don't-want-to-buy-anything-else-until-I-reach-my-goal-weight-what-a-dumb-problem-to-have-I'm-so-embarrassed-better-not-tweet-that weight