Totally unrealistic new year's resolutions I make every year

— Lose weight while maintaining a nonchalant attitude towards eating what I want (nachos)
— Exercise in the morning before work, after coffee, but before breakfast 5/7 days of the week
— Renovate my apartment (which I have been living in for 10 years as of last weekend)
— Write another book, maybe two, sell it/them
— Buy a country house with above book money, spend time in the country
— Go on more ambitious vacations, possibly involving more fishing
— Invest more in skincare and wear less makeup
— Learn to explain my thought processes more patiently and in more detail
— Read more fiction
— Learn to drive (this, surprisingly, is the most unrealistic resolution of all)