There's the wagon, I'm not on it.

As far as the trying-to-not-eat-everything-I-want-to-eat thing is going, after a pretty successful Monday, Tuesday, and half of Wednesday, I had a normal evening Wednesday night, a couple of glasses of wine + Champagne, some goat's cheese salad, chicken, mashed parsnips or turnips (not sure) and some root vegetables for dinner. Oh and the tiramisu-ish parfait. Yum. Then Thursday, insomnia plus stress plus shooting all day translated into a diet of popcorn, baked cheetos, endless Diet Cokes, black coffees, and just about six double-chocolate mini-muffins back at the office. Sigh. Yesterday was odd, I was so relieved it was Friday, so I had a Sprite, my standard tuna-broccoli-salad from Flavors (I have a problem with Flavors, though -- the last two times I got salads there, there have been little pieces of plastic in my salad, I think it's the choppers' overzealous chopping on the boards or something. Anyway, obviously I can't get salads there anymore.) and some other miscellaneous snacks left over. Oh and both Thursday and Friday I was so exhausted I came home and ate some instant noodles before collapsing into bed.

I think there are too many preservatives in my diet.

Today I'm trying to eat everything that has, like, zero calories in my apartment. Radish kimchee, picked radishes, minestrone soup, pots and pots and pots of English tea, vegetable broth. Lots of flavor, probably way too much sodium. But I can't stop eating! Salty foods are my kryptonite.

Besides trying to get back to a reasonably healthy weight and trying to up my energy levels, one of the main other reasons I'm trying to lose weight is because my clothes just don't look the same anymore. And I was thinking a few weeks ago that by the time I'm in my mid-30s and (ostensibly) able to afford more clothes made by designers I love, I'd like to look good in them. Also, the reason I'm doing this now is because some friends and I have been planning a big trip for next summer, and I'd like to get my act together before we set off on this journey, which could be one of the best times ever. I don't want to feel uncomfortable with the way I look in summertime heat and humidity, traveling with friends. I want to have 100 percent fun.

I always said to R, who looks amazing and has done so well with food self-discipline over the past year and half, that I could never do what she did because I couldn't be honest with myself. I find it so much easier to lie to myself than to lie to others. So I know this blogging about what I'm eating or not eating is really self-indulgent and probably not all that interesting to anyone, but it's a way that I'm trying to keep myself honest.
"Observe Everything. Always think for yourself. Never let other people make important decisions for you." — from Bad News by Edward St. Aubyn